Learning to Be Okay with Being Human
Perfectionism often disguises itself as motivation. It whispers that we’re only as good as our latest achievement, our cleanest home, our most flawless performance. At first, it can seem like a drive toward excellence. But over time, perfectionism becomes less about doing well and more about avoiding failure — or the feeling of being “not enough.” It can keep us trapped in cycles of anxiety, self-criticism, and emotional exhaustion.
Learning to challenge perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards; it’s about freeing yourself from the belief that you must be flawless to be worthy. It’s about learning to live, breathe, and even thrive in the presence of imperfection — your own and the world’s.
Recognize the Voice of Perfectionism
The first step is noticing when perfectionism is speaking. Its voice often sounds like:
- “If I can’t do it perfectly, it’s not worth doing.”
- “Everyone else is doing better than me.”
- “I should have known better.”
- “If I make a mistake, people will see I’m not good enough.”
Try writing these thoughts down as they arise. Seeing them on paper creates distance between you and them. These aren’t objective truths; they’re stories you’ve learned to tell yourself. Ask: Whose standards am I trying to meet? and What am I afraid would happen if I didn’t meet them?
Naming perfectionism gives you power to challenge it.
Redefine What “Good Enough” Means
Perfectionism operates on extremes — success or failure, right or wrong, perfect or worthless. Real life lives in the gray area.
To soften perfectionism’s grip, begin redefining what “good enough” looks like in your daily life. That might mean:
- Finishing a project when it meets its purpose, not when it feels flawless.
- Showing up to a social event even if you’re not feeling your best.
- Sending the email even if the wording isn’t poetic.
You might even make a “Good Enough List”: write down specific examples of tasks that don’t need to be perfect — meals, chores, emails, workouts, conversations. Each time you accept “good enough,” you strengthen the muscle of self-acceptance.
Try saying to yourself:
“I can do things imperfectly and still be proud of myself.”
“Progress counts more than perfection.”
“Done is better than perfect.”
These aren’t excuses for laziness; they’re affirmations of humanity.
Build Comfort with Mistakes
Mistakes don’t define your worth — they reveal your growth edges.
When you make a mistake, try shifting from self-criticism to curiosity. Instead of “I’m so stupid,” say,
“That didn’t go the way I hoped. What can I learn from it?”
Curiosity is the antidote to shame. It transforms “I failed” into “I learned.” Over time, this practice rewires the emotional association between mistakes and self-worth. Instead of spiraling into self-rejection, you learn to meet mistakes with patience and compassion.
Another tool: imagine talking to a close friend who made the same mistake. You’d likely say, “It’s okay — you’re human. You’ll figure it out.” Try saying that to yourself, even if it feels awkward at first.
Self-talk might sound like:
“It’s safe for me to be learning.”
“I’m still growing, and that’s what matters.”
“Making mistakes doesn’t make me a failure — it makes me real.”
Practice Imperfect Action
Perfectionism thrives on delay — waiting until you feel ready, certain, or “good enough.” The antidote is imperfect action.
Choose something small: share a creative project before you think it’s ready. Try a new recipe without overplanning. Speak up even if your voice shakes. Each act of imperfect action is a quiet rebellion against perfectionism’s tyranny.
The goal isn’t to fail intentionally — it’s to act without the guarantee of perfection. Over time, you’ll build tolerance for uncertainty and learn that your worth doesn’t depend on outcomes.
You can remind yourself:
“It’s better to try imperfectly than to not try at all.”
“Every step forward counts, even if it’s messy.”
Imperfect action builds confidence through lived experience, not imagined mastery.
Develop a Kinder Inner Voice
Perfectionism often grows from an inner critic that once tried to protect you — maybe from disapproval, rejection, or shame. But as adults, we can replace that harsh voice with one that supports growth instead of fear.
Positive self-talk isn’t about empty affirmations; it’s about re-parenting the part of you that feels unsafe being imperfect.
When you notice the critic saying, “You’re not good enough,” respond gently:
“I’m doing my best, and that’s enough for today.”
When it says, “You messed up again,” try:
“It’s okay to be learning. I can still be kind to myself.”
If it says, “People won’t like you if you fail,” answer:
“I’m allowed to be real. People connect with honesty, not perfection.”
Write a few affirmations that resonate with you and keep them visible — on your phone background, a sticky note, or your mirror. Over time, your brain learns to reach for kindness first.
6. Embrace Humanity Over Performance
Perfectionism teaches us to perform — to prove we’re deserving. But connection doesn’t come from being impressive; it comes from being authentic. When you allow yourself to be imperfect, you give others permission to do the same.
Notice how your relationships feel when you drop the façade, when you say, “I don’t know,” or “I’m struggling.” Vulnerability can be deeply uncomfortable — but it’s also deeply freeing.
You might remind yourself:
“I am lovable, not because I’m perfect, but because I’m human.”
Closing Thought
Challenging perfectionism isn’t about giving up on growth — it’s about reclaiming the right to grow freely. It’s learning that your worth is inherent, not earned through flawless performance.
When you make peace with imperfection, you stop chasing a moving target and start living your real, messy, beautiful life. You begin to realize: the cracks in you were never flaws — they were openings for light to get in.
TRANSCENDENT MENTAL HEALTH 