Part 2 of a Five-Part Series on Dialectical Behavior Therapy
Mindfulness is the foundation of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). Although DBT includes skills for managing emotions, tolerating distress, and navigating relationships, those skills depend on something more basic: being able to notice what is happening before deciding how to respond.
In DBT, mindfulness means intentionally focusing your awareness on the present moment without judgment. That sounds simple, but our minds rarely stay in the present for long. We replay conversations, worry about tomorrow, criticize ourselves, imagine what other people are thinking, or become swept up in whatever emotion we are experiencing.
Mindfulness teaches us to notice these processes rather than automatically following wherever they lead.
This is also why mindfulness in DBT isn’t simply a relaxation technique. Relaxation can certainly happen while practicing mindfulness, but it isn’t the primary goal. You can be mindful while anxious, angry, sad, excited, or physically uncomfortable. The goal is to develop greater control over where you place your attention and how you respond to your internal experiences.
Put another way, mindfulness helps you control your mind rather than allowing your thoughts, emotions, and impulses to control you.
The Three States of Mind
DBT describes three different states of mind: Emotion Mind, Reasonable Mind, and Wise Mind. We move among these states throughout the day.
In Emotion Mind, feelings are in charge. When we’re frightened, everything may seem dangerous. When we’re angry, we may feel absolutely certain that someone deserves an angry response. When we’re deeply discouraged, our problems can seem permanent and hopeless. Emotion Mind isn’t inherently bad—emotions contain important information—but intense emotions can make it difficult to see the whole picture.
Reasonable Mind operates primarily through logic, facts, planning, and analysis. This state is extremely useful when balancing a budget, following instructions, or solving a practical problem. But Reasonable Mind can also become problematic when we dismiss legitimate feelings because they seem inconvenient or irrational. Human beings aren’t machines, and sometimes feelings tell us something that a spreadsheet can’t.
Wise Mind is the integration of the two. It takes both facts and feelings seriously.
Wise Mind doesn’t mean splitting the difference between emotion and logic. Instead, it means considering everything we know—including our emotional experience, intuition, values, and objective facts—and responding thoughtfully.
Imagine receiving a frustrating email from someone you care about. Emotion Mind might say, Send an angry response right now. Reasonable Mind might say, This shouldn’t bother me, so I’ll ignore how I feel. Wise Mind might say, I’m genuinely upset, and responding while I’m this angry probably won’t help. I’ll wait until tonight and decide what I want to say.
The “What” Skills
DBT divides its basic mindfulness practices into “What” skills and “How” skills. The What skills describe what we actually do when practicing mindfulness:
- Observe: Notice thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, and events without immediately trying to change them.
- Describe: Put words to what you observe. “I’m noticing tension in my shoulders.” “I’m having the thought that she’ll reject me.” “I’m feeling angry.”
- Participate: Become fully engaged in what you’re doing instead of standing outside the experience analyzing yourself.
These skills can be practiced almost anywhere. While walking, you might notice the sensation of your feet contacting the ground, the temperature of the air, and the sounds around you. During a difficult conversation, you might notice your heart beating faster and recognize the urge to interrupt.
That tiny moment of awareness can create space between an emotion and an action.
The “How” Skills
The How skills describe the attitude we bring to mindfulness: nonjudgmentally, one-mindfully, and effectively.
Being nonjudgmental means noticing what is happening without immediately labeling it good, bad, stupid, unfair, or unacceptable. This doesn’t mean abandoning your values or pretending harmful behavior is okay. It means separating observable facts from the judgments we add to them.
Instead of “I’m an idiot for forgetting that appointment,” we might say, “I forgot the appointment, and I’m embarrassed about it.” The second statement gives us useful information without turning one mistake into a verdict about who we are.
Being one-mindful means doing one thing at a time and bringing our attention back when it wanders. If you’re talking with someone, talk with them. If you’re eating dinner, eat dinner. If you’re worrying about something while trying to work, notice the worry and gently return your attention to the task.
Finally, being effective means focusing on what actually works. We sometimes become so concerned with proving that we’re right, showing that something is unfair, or wishing reality were different that we lose sight of our goals. Effectiveness asks, Given the situation as it actually exists, what response is most likely to help me get where I want to go?
Mindfulness Is a Practice
Nobody remains in Wise Mind all the time. Nobody maintains perfect attention. A wandering mind doesn’t mean you’ve failed at mindfulness.
In fact, noticing that your attention has wandered is mindfulness.
The practice is noticing where your mind has gone and bringing it back—again and again. Over time, that practice can make it easier to recognize emotions without immediately acting on them, notice thoughts without automatically believing them, and make deliberate choices instead of simply reacting.
Mindfulness doesn’t eliminate life’s difficult moments. It helps us become more present for them—and gives us a better chance of choosing what happens next.
In Part 3, we’ll explore Emotion Regulation, the DBT skills designed to help us understand our emotions, reduce emotional vulnerability, and respond to powerful feelings more effectively.
If you live in Washington State, and would like to set up an appointment with Susan Reimers, LICSW at Transcendent Mental Health, please click here.
